Four “Your Grandma’s Houses” to Think About Doing It In

We’ve all been there. (Except for you, Jackie.) One second you’re bewildered by admiring the hand-crocheted doilies on the mantle at your grandma’s house, and the next second you’re thinking about boning.

It isn’t your fault. Grandmas’ houses are notoriously sexy. Mothballs and Vietnam War-era relics have a way of moving even the prudiest of prudes. Here are four possible your grandma’s homes in which to picture doing the deed:

  • The House with One or More Gables: Intersecting roof pitches have never looked so enticing. Grandma moved into this home in the late seventies after your mom went away to college; if it’s good enough for Grandma and her second husband to bone in, it’s good enough for your fantasies. Even the one with Phil.
  • The Cottage with the Mother-in-Law Apartment Above the Garage: Your grandma has lived here for 20 years, and the mother-in-law suite has been empty the entire time. Uuuf, empty above-the-garage spaces inspire some naughty thoughts about your own empty spaces. Visit Grandma, and get to daydreaming, girl!
  • The Yurt: Your hippie grandma and her friends stretched canvas over the perma-tent’s frame with their bare hands. Now it’s your turn to picture 360 Mongolian degrees of uninterrupted real estate…and your own outstretched hands.
  • The Crumbling Split-Level with Too Many Cats: Just because this house has seen better days doesn’t mean you can’t picture doing it while you’re here. Make the most of your obligatory visits to the family matriarch and imagine a partner or two caressing your body, almost cat-like in his/her/their* gyrations.

Next up:

16 Things to Hide Behind When You See a Millennial Coming Your Way

*That’s right; this is a pronoun-inclusive blog.

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